


The Lullaby Home

by captainchakyeon



Series: My Metamorphosis [4]
Category: EXO (Band), VIXX
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pre-debut, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-04
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-04 13:30:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18344660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainchakyeon/pseuds/captainchakyeon
Summary: After Hakyeon and his talk last week, Hongbin had found himself thinking about his past companion a lot more than usual.





	1. one

After Hakyeon and his talk last week, Hongbin had found himself thinking about his past companion a lot more than usual. It had been a long time since Hongbin last heard from him, but nonetheless he still reflects on his past times with him every now and then. Only now, those reflections have gotten more frequent.

One late night, a while after they had gotten back to the dorms from a schedule, Hongbin finds himself leaning on the rail of their sole balcony, watching the distant lights spread out in front of him while he thought to himself. It was a warmer night, a rare instance in winter, but Hongbin found himself thankful for it as he simply wore sweatpants and a hoodie with a shirt underneath outside. Even the breeze wasn’t too chilled.

With every moment he spent alone out on the balcony, Hongbin could’ve sworn the memories he reflected on grew more vivid. Perhaps since it was the first time he allowed himself to freely think about them in a while. Maybe it was because he simply missed the other that much, that every memory was carefully made vividly. Or it could be because that was one of the few times in Hongbin’s life he felt free and truly like himself.

Hongbin sighs wearily. Since he’s signed with Jellyfish, he’s found a good group of friends to surround himself with. They’re all fun to be around, but up until recently he hasn’t felt like he could really be himself around any of them like he could have with his past companion. Hongbin now has Hakyeon to trust with that side of him, since Hakyeon is in a similar boat.

But it still isn’t the same as his past friend, Hongbin was afraid he might not be able to find another connection so deep and trusting as that past one was. He also found himself scared he’d never see the other again; the chance of finding him again looked so bleak. The chance of love was something found Hongbin slowly lost faith in over time, as he’s begun to realize there’s no replacing what he felt long ago.

But yet still, before Hongbin steps back inside the dorms, he desperately wishes that one of those lights from the city is from the friend he lost some time ago.

 

**There’s a small door in a blurry landscape, I wanna go home**

 

A few days later, Hongbin is sat in one of the practice rooms in the company building in front of a piano. It’s another late night, and he’s the last one trainee left in the practice rooms. Hongbin told the others he’d stay for a while longer to practice, waving off their concerns.

He was never confident in his ability to play the piano; in fact there was only one song he memorized and could fully play end to end. Hongbin never played it though, he never even told anyone else at the company he could play it.

Hongbin never forgot it though, his hands still knew every note to the song, every piano key to play. In the dimly lit room, his fingers found themselves resting on the beginning key to the song. He hesitated, hands shaking slightly. After a moment, he gulped down his hesitance, and straightened his posture before playing the first few notes with a small exhale.

He continued, the instrumental song echoed across the empty room. The song was a lullaby of his memories, sweet and nostalgic, but too short. As Hongbin played the piano, the memory of when he first heard this song also played in his head.

_“Hongbin, listen to this, you’ll enjoy it.” His friend stated with a smile, offering him an earbud that’s connected to his iPod._

_“You know I’m not really a fan of ballads like you are.” Hongbin said, shaking his head as he knew what the other was going to present him with, but took the earbud anyway._

_Hongbin’s friend started the song, and an unfamiliar arrangement of piano music started playing in Hongbin’s ear. To his surprise, he rather liked it. Even though it was only instrumental he found it relaxing and nice._

_“What’s the title of the song?” Hongbin said, after a pause once the song ended. He rest his head on his friend’s shoulder to look at the iPod._

_“Lullaby by Park Hyo Shin,” His friend tilted the iPod towards Hongbin so he could look at the song. “I told you you’d like it.”_

Hongbin abruptly stops the piano music once he snaps out of the memory. He jerks away from the piano, his hands shaking even more now. His cheeks are wet now, he must’ve started crying without realising.

Hongbin breathes in and out, as he tried to calm down but only crying more. He hadn’t told anyone that one of the reasons he auditioned for Jellyfish was because Park Hyo Shin is signed under the company, and his music was the only link Hongbin had left to his past friend.

He never told anyone the meaning his music had to him. He remembered when Hyo Shin came out with I Am A Dreamer and Hongbin had stayed up late to listen to it, sitting outside on the balcony. Hongbin remembered the bitter memory of crying halfway through the first song when he realised he didn’t have his former friend to listen to it with, like they always did. He remembered the bitter taste of selfishly hoping his friend was out there listening to it as well, thinking of Hongbin while doing so.

Hongbin sharply inhaled, and wiped away at his cheeks. It wasn’t very often he cried, and even more rarely over his past companion. It had been a long time since Hongbin cried like that over him. He wasn’t sure what was happening with his emotions, but it felt like his heart was breaking for a second time.

 

**When that door opens, will there be a road to take me home?**

 

_“So, what do you want to do when we get out of high school?” Hongbin’s friend asked, as he sat next to him, looking at the overview of the town. The car radio quietly played behind them as they sat next to each other on the mountain closest to their town. It’s was a popular hiking spot, but you could drive there as well. Hongbin’s friend dragged him out of his house late one night, because he swore Hongbin needed to see the overlook at night. Hongbin had joked his friend was planning to murder him then, but went along anyway._

_“When we get out of school?” Hongbin looked to the other with a half smirk. He was more beautiful to Hongbin than a bunch of distant lights, more beautiful than any city. Hongbin was too scared at the time to say so; in retrospect, Hongbin found himself to regret not saying it. “Hm, my parents probably want me to go to college.”_

_“Yeah, but what do you want to do?” His friend returned the glance as he waited for an more genuine answer. “If you had a choice.”_

_“Something not boring, I suppose?” Hongbin chuckled and then shrugged. He didn’t have a proper answer, he never really thought much outside of going to university and then getting a job. “A journalist maybe? I dunno yet.”_

_“I have the feeling your job won’t be boring at all.” His friend lightly laughed, and looked back to the view in front of them. “You already know what I’d like to do.”_

_“Yes, mister famous actor.” Hongbin playfully teased with a smile, ruffling the other’s hair. “Gonna make the world your own stage; I’ll be reporting all about you.”_

_“You know it!” He replied, giving Hongbin a beaming smile. Hongbin could feel his heart start to race in his chest, a sudden warmth at the sight of such a genuine smile from him. He looked so happy…_

Hongbin is then jerked awake by a very worried looking Hakyeon, Wonshik behind him. He blearily looks up at them, slightly confused as to why he was woken in the middle of the night. He then feels the dampness on his pillow and his cheeks.

“Wonshik said you were having a bad dream.” Hakyeon softly stated as he crouched down to properly face Hongbin. “Is everything okay?”

Hongbin showed hesitance to answer, he didn’t want to lie to Hakyeon, but he didn’t know how to explain how he felt. Hakyeon picked up on this and gestured for Wonshik to leave momentarily. Wonshik nodded and silently left, leaving the two alone in the dim room.

Hakyeon carefully sat on the edge of Hongbin’s bed, and looked over to the younger; patiently waiting for an explanation. Hongbin sat up and leaned back on his headboard, and tried to think of a way to state what he was going through.

“The conversation we had, about two weeks ago.” Hongbin started in a quiet voice. He felt so vulnerable, but he reminded himself that he trusted Hakyeon. “The one out on the balcony, I mentioned a past friend.”

“Yeah, the one you had a deep connection with?” Hakyeon affirmed, Hongbin nodded and tried to dry his face. “Did something happen since then? Did you see him, hear from him?”

“No, no I didn’t have any contact with him.” Hongbin shook his head, his eyes bleary again. “I think that’s been my problem, though. It’s sort of uh, brought up the whole thing again. And now I have all of these uhm - emotions and I don’t know _why_.”

“Do you think you didn’t allow yourself to process what happened, back when it actually happened?” Hakyeon tilted his head, asking gently. “Like, you didn’t allow yourself to grieve? Something like that can be a tough thing to go through.”

“Hm, maybe so. I’m not sure.” Hongbin chewed on his lip as he thought over Hakyeon’s words. “I dunno, it’s like the emotions are repeating themselves.”

“That’s normal with grief, sometimes we go through another cycle of it without a reason.” Hakyeon said as he brushed Hongbin’s hair out of his face. “If I can ask, have you tried tracking him down since then? Now that you two are both older, maybe he has more control of who he can be friends with.”

“I wish I could. He was a transfer student though, came over from China. His family has probably gone back there.” Hongbin stated pessimistically. “That was actually how we got close though, I took a Mandarin class in first year and could translate basic things for him.”

“Just because he possibly went back to China doesn’t mean there isn’t some possibly you could find him again.” Hakyeon tried to perk up Hongbin’s hopes. “What was his name, at the least?”

“He might still be going by his birth name - his parents rule. I can’t remember his full birth name though, I never called him by that of course.” Hongbin said as he mulled over details in his head. “The name he went by was Huang Zitao. Though I doubt you’ll find him.”

“Well we can still try, yeah?” Hakyeon gave him a small smile and squeezed his hand in comfort. “Whatever the result though, me and the others will be here for you.”

“Thank you.” Hongbin weakly returned the smile. Hakyeon wished him good night as he left the room. Wonshik came back in shortly afterword, and thankfully didn’t ask about it. As much as he tried, Hongbin couldn’t get decent sleep that night.


	2. two

**I feel myself waking up, I am standing in front of a door that’s getting clearer.**

The day after, Hakyeon opened his laptop in search for Hongbin’s friend. If his friend did go back to China, Hakyeon would be even shorter on luck - his Chinese was never the greatest, pretty much nonexistent at that point. But, like Hongbin, he hoped he had stayed in Korea, or made some indication he used to reside there so he could find Zitao easier.

After some searches on Naver, he found that was rather inconclusive. Hakyeon opened up Weibo, he understood that was the most likely place he'd post frequently. After typing in his name, Hakyeon found several profiles, all varying in age and life paths, but none seeming to really match up with the small details Hongbin has given him. Plus, Hakyeon didn't even know what the boy looked like. He felt rather defeated, and didn't want to tell Hongbin the bad news. After that day, and seeing how much it meant to the other, Hakyeon hoped and prayed he would find him someday with Hongbin’s help; whether it be from searching, pure luck, or a mix of both.

**A Month Later**

There had been talk of a new boy group from SM Ent for the last few months, the VIXX boys heard their other trainee friends talk about them during breaks in rehearsals, some even asking if they knew of the unannounced members. Of course, they had to shake their heads - they didn't train under SM and didn't have contact with the members, so they couldn't have known any sooner than the others did.

So when the teasers for the members started being posted, many of the trainees under Jellyfish would gather round to watch them, VIXX boys included; the group - name announced as EXO, were planned to debut a few months before they were. The trainees supposed they might as well keep up with them.

The first two teasers included three members, Kai, Luhan, and Sehun. Wonshik was rather impressed by Kai’s dancing skills, and to Jaehwan’s research, he found that Luhan was a Chinese member - one of rumoured four Chinese members. Hakyeon arched his eyebrow at that, as a leader himself he could assume having to lead eleven other members and four of them being foreign must be tricky. Hongbin politely watched with them, he was curious about them but wasn't as drawn to the specific members as the others seemed to be.

After the first two teasers, came the third. They were taking a break from dance practice when Wonshik got the notification on his phone of another EXO teaser. Hongbin was already sat beside him before Wonshik clicked on it and called to the others about the video. An excited Sanghyuk came rushed to Wonshik's other side.

The video started playing, a red filter over a practice room and a figure in the middle of it. Hongbin squinted, something about that member was familiar, definitely familiar. It shot to a closer point, the member starting to what seems to be a martial arts routine. Within seconds, Hongbin figured out why he looked so familiar, but he couldn't believe it. He thought his eyes must be deceiving him, but nonetheless, it's actually him.

Hongbin scooted closer to the screen, his face scrunched with disbelief. He looked more masculine, but that was most definitely him, it couldn't be anyone else. That was him.

“Hakyeon. Hakyeon!” Hongbin hurriedly called for the leader and waved his hand at him to come over, who was sat across the room. He gave Hongbin a confused look as to why Hongbin seemed so anxious, but still made his way over to look at the screen. “Wonshik, rewind it. Rewind it please.”

Wonshik gave him a look, before replaying it from the beginning. Hongbin didn't explain, but none of them asked why, just watching the video looking for a clue as to why Hongbin is freaking out and even shaking slightly. Hakyeon looked as if he was about to ask a question, before the end of the video when it displayed the name “Z.Tao.” He then knew why, as he looked to Hongbin with a confused yet shocked expression.

“Am I missing something here?” Wonshik looked between the two of them. “I mean it was good! But I-”

“You really think that's him?” Hakyeon interrupted Wonshik, excitement for Hongbin showed in his voice. He knew how much Hongbin had been yearning for the other.

“I know that's him, that's gotta be him.” Hongbin said as he tried not to cry in front of everyone. “It can't be anyone else.”

**So maybe I’m home, in a place not too far away.**

With some research, Hakyeon found a showcase in which all twelve members of EXO were to perform. As they were coming from a larger company, tickets were to sell out quickly as more excitement was surrounding their debut. But with the help of one of their managers, Hakyeon and Hongbin were able to snatch some tickets for the two of them.

After they bought the tickets, it wasn’t long until the actual day of the showcase. They had been able to end practice early that day in order to get ready for the highly awaited performance. Hongbin found himself more nervous than he remembered being in years, and it wasn’t even his own performance. Just the mere knowledge he’d see him again left Hongbin jittery.

“I can’t believe he’s been in Korea, for who knows how long and we haven’t seen each other.” Hongbin thought aloud while on the drive to the venue. Hakyeon glanced over to the boy in the seat next to him. “I wonder if he tried to look for me?”

“Korea is a populous country, regardless of how small the entertainment industry world we’re in may seem. I wouldn’t overthink that aspect.” Hakyeon said honestly as he gave Hongbin’s shoulder a comforting rub. “And he might have, but then again you’ve moved away from your hometown and you’ve lost contact with him since then. It may have been just as hard to get in touch with you as it was with him.”

“You do have a point.” Hongbin nodded. “Just a really odd coincidence.”

“Odd, yeah I agree.” Hakyeon affirmed. “But then again it’s allowed you to see him again. Sometimes odd coincidences can be good.”

“What if he doesn’t recognize me? Or wants nothing to do with me?” Hongbin asked anxiously, a lot could have changed for Zitao, he might not be the same person Hongbin knew. They’ve both been through so much. “Sorry, I’m overthinking. I’m just anxious I guess.”

“Bean, I think it’s natural to be anxious. But take some deep breaths, I’m sure there isn’t anything to worry about.” Hakyeon reassured as he gave Hongbin’s hand a squeeze. “Whatever happens will happen, regardless you have a team of people to support you.”

Hongbin muttered out a small thank you; in reality there was no way he could truly thank Hakyeon for putting in so much work for Hongbin to be able to see his past friend. Somehow he know how much it meant for Hongbin and he tried his damndest to make it happen, and Hongbin was grateful for that, no matter which way it’d go. Because Hakyeon did have a point, Hongbin already had a solid team of friends by his side. He only hoped Zitao would wish to join his side again.

**I hear the sound of you waiting for me.**

The venue filled quickly. The two boys weren’t the first ones there but they got there early enough for their manager to explain to security that they were also trainees, one of which was looking for a friend backstage. Hongbin is very grateful in that moment that his manager was kind enough to do this for them. After their manager showed his credentials regarding their company, the security guard lead them to the backstage area.

The security guard didn’t leave their side - possibly because none of the members were expecting them, but didn’t raise many questions in the process. They got to EXO’s assigned room backstage, and the security guard knocked on the door and opened it to announce there were people there to meet them. Hakyeon and Hongbin could hear several curious voices, and Hongbin’s heart started to race even faster than he thought possible. One of those voices was Zitao’s.

Hakyeon decided it’d be a good idea for him to go in first and introduce them as trainees about to debut, and for Hongbin to join in a moment later -so they don’t totally startle Zitao, if he does remember Hongbin.

Hongbin leaned against the wall next to the door, and only heard Hakyeon’s muffled voice coming from the room. He nervously exhaled, not knowing what to do with himself. Before he could overthink though, Hakyeon peaked open the door and dragged him in. Hongbin - slightly bewildered, blinked at the twelve boys in front of him for a moment before he politely bowed and stated his name.

They all bowed and greeted him, as Hakyeon stated Hongbin would likely become a vocalist and visual in their group. Hongbin gave him a pointed look as his blush became more predominant. As Hongbin returned his look to the other group, a certain member stepped forward with hesitance.

“Hakyeon, would it be alright if I talked to Hongbin in private?” Zitao asked politely, his voice calm but had some underlying emotion in it, if Hongbin read it correctly. Hakyeon replied with an ‘of course,’ and went over to talk with Junmyeon, leaving Zitao and Hongbin alone.

Zitao looked over at the others, and saw they already went back to talking amongst themselves, and then grabbed Hongbin’s arm and exited the room. He hurried down the hallway, dragging Hongbin with him. After a moment he reached a changing room not in use, and gestured for Hongbin to join him. He had many questions, but he had assumed at this point Zitao wanted to talk about things alone, and not in front of twelve other boys, some stylists, and staff members slipping in and out of the room.

He turns to Hongbin after closing the door, and let out a exhale. Zitao looked as if he was trying to find words to say, the right words to say after so much time. He looked joyful and anxious at the same time. Hongbin tried to say he felt the same but the words didn’t come out. Zitao gave up on saying anything for a moment as he reached out to Hongbin and pulled him into a tight embrace - like as if he let go Hongbin would disappear in front of him.

Once Hongbin found himself in Zitao’s embrace, he let the tears he’d been sniffling back fall down his face. He hugged back just as tightly, this is the moment he yearned for, dreamed about, ever since the last day he saw Zitao. He felt a wave of relief as he knew then that Zitao didn’t grow to hate him, or worse - forgot him.

After a long moment, Zitao pulled back slightly to look at Hongbin’s face. He cupped his cheeks affectionately, and Hongbin realized the other cried as well. “Where have you been?”

“And where have you been?” Hongbin replied, as he had the same question. But that time he had a smile on his face; as regardless of the answer to that question, he has Zitao with him now.

“Doesn’t matter now.” Zitao shook his head, as he let his hand travel to the back of Hongbin’s neck and gently, but with every emotion in him - kissed him, letting it say all the things words couldn’t. Hongbin let out a small noise in slight surprise, but accepted it immediately after. Another tear made it’s way down Hongbin’s face, as he chastely kissed the other. They pulled away after a moment, and smiled at each other with teary eyes.

“Promise you won’t leave again?” Hongbin vulnerably asked as he looked the other in the eyes. Even though he knew Zitao didn’t have control back then, he does have control now.

“Of course not, not when I have you again.” Zitao said sincerely, almost shocked at the fact that Hongbin would even think he would. “Now that I know you’re around again, I won’t leave your side as long as you want me there.”

“I’ll always want you by my side.”

**I’m sky high as I’m holding you, seems like I belong here.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is so cheesy?? and kinda rushed?? but oh well *shrug*
> 
> twitter; vixxiah  
> tumblr; captainchakyeon
> 
> come follow me over there, spare some kudos, and/or leave a comment if you so wish! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the angst, there'll eventually be a happy ending~  
> lyrics are from Park Hyo Shin's Home.
> 
> twitter; vixxiah  
> tumblr; captainchakyeon
> 
> come follow me over there, spare some kudos, and/or leave some comments if you wish!


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